Everybody has experienced being around people find condescending manner of speaking just doesn’t make them feel good about themselves.
Condescending people are just as unpleasant as Debbie downers complainers jealous green monster mean-spirited snarks and pretty much anyone who wears neon sunglasses.
However if you leave a conversation with someone feeling worse about yourself it’s likely that you were dealing with a condescending person. Insecurity and/or arrogance are at the root of most people’s arrogant attitudes and condescending actions. You can be both arrogant and insecure, and that’s totally fine.
In this article, we highlight certain common attitudes and comments that are rarely warmly receive and tend to spread negativity. However, remember that studies have shown that 75%-90% of communication is nonverbal. So, it’s not only the words that matter when it comes to whether or not someone comes across as condescending. However, if you tell that you are a condescending personality here are some habits to break.
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Explaining Things that Are Already Well Understood.
All of us have been in a perfectly pleasant conversation until out of nowhere someone launches into an ardent explanation of something we already know. When someone is talking at you with wide eyes, presenting each fact like a gift— “so after over 30 years in prison, he received the Nobel Peace Prize”—you may not have the motivation to interrupt their monologue and say, “Uh yeah, I know who Nelson Mandela is.”
It’s frustrating when this happens. it means the other person automatically attributes lower levels of knowledge and emotional intelligence to you.
In all likelihood they haven’t given any thought to the probability that you understand what they’re explaining; rather, they know that they understand, and that’s reason enough for them to elaborate.
While “mansplaining” is a common term, it is not exclusive to men; occasionally women engage in it as well. Remember that the key to having productive talks is to read the other person’s clues. You can always ask, “Are you familiar?” if you have any doubts about whether or not they are keeping up with what you are saying. But the vast majority of the time, you’re better off giving them the benefit of the doubt.
Saying That Someone “Aways” Does Something or “Never” Does Anything
One thing that nobody enjoys is having their uniqueness pigeonhole. A condescending method to make someone feel criticized and misunderstood is to generalize about their conduct.
They are much more likely to shut down and respond defensively if you claim they “always” or “never” do anything. whether you’re having a casual discussion or trying to offer useful feedback.
When someone hears a statement like “You’re always late,” or “You never clean the toilet ” they may take it as an indictment of who they are and search high and low for evidence to prove you wrong.
In contrast if you say something like “I’ve noticed you’ve been late a lot lately” or “It’s been a while since you cleaned the toilet” the target may still become defensive but they are less likely to feel like you are attacking their whole character.
Others will be more receptive to your input if they see you as reasonable, empathic and sensitive to nuance rather than being extremely black and white in your judgments.
Breaking in to Correct Someone’s Pronunciation
Do not stop someone in the middle of a thought to fix their pronunciation. Saying something like “Um, it’s actually “essss-presso” not “ex-presso” is the quickest way to kill a conversation and destroy someone’s self-esteem.
To put someone on the position like that is rude and condescending. it will likely embarrass the person doing the talking as well as anybody listening.
In a casual setting, it may not be necessary to correct someone’s mispronunciation of a name or word. As things stand, you’re not doing anything to help people. But if the error is so egregious that it would be like letting someone walk about with a large shred of kale in their teeth (for example if they are mispronouncing the name of a client).
You should wait until they have finished their thought before correcting them. If you wait until they are no longer the focus of attention you can ask them discretely “Do you say debut “dee-butt?” To this day I still can’t figure out why the French say “day-byoo” when they mean “goodbye.”
Anyone with even a modicum of self-awareness will use it as a cue to look up the correct pronunciation and if they don’t bother it’s not worth your effort to correct them going forward.
To advise someone to “Take it Easy”
Saying, “Take it easy,” to a woman is the epitome of patronizing behavior. In the same vein as “Chill out” “Calm down” and “Relax!” To tell someone to “Take it easy” is to imply that their enthusiasm worry or general reaction to anything is unwarranted or excessive.
Everyone has the right to experience and respond to the world as they see fit. Although men may occasionally receive such a response, women are frequently the recipients.
Almost every woman has experienced the frustration of having a man urge her to “calm down” because he thinks she’s being overly emotional when, in her mind she isn’t. Men are more likely to attribute more “shrillness” and emotion to women’s voices, as repeatedly demonstrat in the research.
It was reveale in a Fortune magazine survey that women were characterized as abrasive 17 times as often than men. Therefore, a woman may interpret the advice to “take it easy” as an accusation that she is being excessively theatrical. This trivializes her struggles and makes her reaction seem insignificant.
- Admitting That You “really” Enjoy a Concept
An indirect way of saying, “Wow! You surprised me by doing something incredibly astute.” We’ve all had the manager who, after laying out a laundry list of your faults in an email concludes “but I genuinely thought this notion was fantastic.” getting a compliment like this might be just as hurtful as getting no praise at all.
In a meeting if you provide a solution to an issue and someone responds “Hey that’s actually a pretty smart idea” it may seem as though the other participants are shock by your level of intelligence. Saying you enjoy something is easy if you “really” do.
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Handing Out Sandwich-based Compliments
Starting with a compliment providing constructive criticism and concluding with yet another complement is a tried-and-true style of providing feedback advocated by many managers.
People use it to protect themselves from negative feedback. Sometimes, a little sweetness does help the medicine go down.
At this point though the pattern is very obvious and the compliments that bookend the criticism (which are after all the objective of feedback) can come off as insincere. people sometimes think “Just give it to me straight” when they see a compliment sandwich.
It’s not necessary to offer praise before offering criticism. It’s important to offer praise when it’s due but it goes a long way when there’s no “but” attached. Pixar has devise a feedback system they call “plussing” that might be used in place of compliment sandwiches. As noted by leadership expert David Berkus, this method is derived from improv comedy.
Where the golden rule is “Yes, and…” rather than “No.” At Pixar, they encourage a practice called “plussing,” which is being honest and forthright when providing feedback but always ending with a positive recommendation for improvement.
A Derogatory Term Such as “Chief” or “Honey”
It’s not professional to be called a generic, overus nickname by people you engage with in a professional setting. It’s especially true of arrogant superiors.
While a male superior may intend to show his familiarity with his subordinates by referring to them as “chief” doing so can come off as condescending and patronizing.
Female bosses who refer to their female colleagues as “honey” or “sweetie” may believe they are being maternal and approachable nonetheless such terms create a false sense of familiarity and make it difficult for employees to talk freely. Furthermore such titles practically never include both sexes; for example a male supervisor would never refer to a female worker as “chief” (and hopefully in 2022 he knows not to call any woman besides his wife “honey”). Therefore, the friendly nicknames that the vast majority of people find patronizing are also quite exclusive.
Nicknames are especially problematic when interacting with persons. who are providing you with a service such as the custodian at your office building a waitress at a restaurant your housekeeper or a cab driver.
To address another man as “Chief,” “Boss,” or “Big Guy” is an odd form of faux-submission posturing. Men’s Health conduct a survey in 2019 and found that 43% of men feel insulted when another man addresses him as “Boss,” describing the other man as The real names of persons can learn easily enough.
Patting Someone on The Head
Even though this seems obvious, it actually occurs more frequently than you might imagine. Avoid physical contact with strangers except with those you know and trust.
True, “patting” acquaintances is preferable to “stroking” “slapping” or “pinching” and there are situations in which it is perfectly fine to pat someone on the back or shoulder.
However, patting someone on the head is always inappropriate. The moment you pat someone on the head they will inevitably look up at you either in confusion or in attempt to remove your hand and you will be in the awkward position of “looking down on them.”
If you have the want to pat someone on the head and they are considerably shorter than you, in a wheelchair, or in an office chair it is best to avoid them until the feeling passes.
Using other people’s names
This is a time-honored and completely obvious way for an arrogant employee to assert his or her superiority.
Whether you bring up the fact that Jack Dorsey attended your yoga retreat this past weekend or that you’re on first-name terms with Chrissy Teigen’s sister’s spouse you’ll come out as someone who gives celebrities too much credence.
Exhilaration is natural when one unexpectedly finds themselves in the company of a famous person or influential leader.
The problem arises when you make a point of mentioning prominent people in your field and then act as if it’s no big deal. This would imply that you not only rank yourself among their equals but also that you think highly of the people you’ve mentioned. What you’re really saying to whoever you’re talking to is, “I know significant people; therefore, I am important.” This sort of attitude is likely to be seen as patronizing and even pitiful by those around you.
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When You Tell Someone, “Come on, you know better than that,” You’re Telling Them That They’re Wrong.
Regardless of the context, a “sigh, shame on you” phrase is almost always taken to be condescending. It’s a phrase a frustrated parent could utter to their child. When an adult uses it with another adult, they come across as condescending and scolding. Consider the following scenario: during a political debate. your opponent says “Come on, you know better than that.
” You can’t get the feeling that they’re dismissing your viewpoint as simplistic and immature.
If you’re doing something that’s obviously harmful for you like lighting up a cigarette. someone says to you It’s perfectly acceptable to state outright that you disagree with another person’s viewpoint. In most cases. it’s preferable to stay out of other people’s business if you disagree with their lifestyle choices.
